


Your light to guide me home

by Milaley



Series: Like light on a windowsill [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Everybody Lives, Feelings, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slash, probably, scratch the probably it's slash now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-05-23 22:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milaley/pseuds/Milaley
Summary: The revolution is over, at least for now. Now is supposed to be the time to regroup, to count their losses, to celebrate their freedom no matter how temporary it might be. But all Connor feels is restless. All he wants to do is to find his Partner. All he wants to see is Hank being alive and well





	1. Skin still bruised from old shackles

**Author's Note:**

> Had this little plot bunny in my head for DAYS! And finally got around to writing it!  
> Quick warning: I'm not a native English speaker, I'm German. Also, I'm dyslexic so though everything is double and triple checked, there might be spelling/grammar mistakes. If you find any just tell me, I promise I won't bite :)

Being alive is… confusing. It’s messy and there aren’t any orders to follow. Connor’s not sure on how to proceed from here on. His mission abandoned, hopefully forever, no one to tell him what to do next, no instructions. He never thought that having a free will would be so… hard.

During the revolution, it had been easy. The immediate need of action had shown him his path, the mission of “hunt all deviants” had been changed to “help set your people free” but now his job here is mostly done, all they can do now is sit and wait on how the humans will decide.

That might take days, weeks, months… so what to do next.

Connor shifts awkwardly as he leans against the wall in the back of the cathedral. Markus and his inner circle had retreated into the old church as the sun came up. A circle that Connor suddenly found himself a member of.

“But I hunted you, I harmed you, I caused you great pain! How can you see me as trustworthy!” he had asked Markus

The leader had only smiled and said “you were only doing what you were told to do, in the end, you saved us all and helped us to victory. You are one of us!”

And then he had proceeded with tugging Connor along.

 

Many of the newly freed androids had followed them here, unsure of what to do with their new free will. Just like Connor.

There is only one set of instructions. Though honestly, this had been more of a plea than anything else.

 

“When all this is over, and we’re both still standing, you come find me! ok?” said with a warm hand on his shoulder and a small and almost forced smile, faked optimism.

Hank.

He wants and needs to return to him. Even before becoming deviant, Hank had been a calming presence at his side. Something he desperately needed to protect and keep safe no matter the cost! He had again and again thrown his mission objective into the wind for the Lieutenant and now... now the hope of reuniting with him feels like a safe beacon guiding him home in this new and confusing world.

 

Connor looks down at his hands and takes a deep breath. Breathing is an unnecessary process he only uses to blend in, but he’s seen humans use deep breaths to help them focus or to steady themselves. Technically Connor only needs to breath if he wants to speak. But right now, he has the feeling that maybe, trying this thing that seems to give humans courage wouldn’t be a bad idea.

He closes his eyes and the led at his temple flares yellow as he searches inside himself for the source code that creates his missions.

It’s risky meddling with one’s own programming but then, in the end, that’s what deviants do, only on a more subconscious level. This is kind of the same thing, only in a more deliberate way.

He tweaks it, so he can assign himself his own missions more easily and tears down any remaining threads connecting cyberlife to his mission parameters.

Later, in a quieter place and with more time, he’ll try to delve deeper into his code to locate the remains of Amanda and delete every trace of her. Just to be sure.

But for now, this has to do.

He sighs - once again such an unnecessary thing for him to do. A Human habit, but still strangely calming.

Being without a mission isn’t something he’s used to, but he’s free now, no one to assign him missions unless he allows them to do so. Still, he needs the comforting feeling of an exact plan of what he has to do next. Connor knows that some Humans use to-do lists, missions are probably his own version of those lists.

He opens his eyes for a moment to take in his surroundings. Markus is talking quietly to North, Simon, and Josh. No one really pays any mind to him.

Connor lifts his hand and presses it to his temple, there is a strange churning feeling underneath his pump regulator which he identifies as nervousness.

He doesn’t see it, but his LED spins red for just a moment before once again settling on yellow.

 

 

**Private class Mission** ( **Mission** N)

               **If** ( **mission_possible == true** ) {

                              _Set mission_parameters;_

_Complete mission_parameters;_

_Complete mission;_

_Create new Mission;_

               } **else** {

_Create new mission;_

               }

 

His LED spins blue for a second and then returns back to yellow 

 

**Create new Mission;**

**New Mission** = _Reunite with Lt. Hank Andersson;_

               **Query: mission_possible?;**

               _…Calculate…_

_…Calculate…_

               **Return:** _Probability of reuniting with Lt. Hank Andersson is 89%;_

               **Return:** _mission_possible == true;_

               **Set mission_parameter:**

                                                            _Talk to Markus;_

_Leave Jerico;_

_Locate Lt Hank Andersson;_

                                                                          **Set sub_mission_paramter:**       

                                                                                                                        _Check house:_

_Check chicken feed;_

_Check bars;_

                                                           _Reunite with Lt Hank Andersson;_

                **End mission;**

 

Connor opens his eyes and sees his current mission objective projected at the edge of his vision. Seeing Hanks name makes him smile a little. It’s a comforting feeling to once again have a goal to work towards. And the thought of it being Hank, his mentor, and friend, makes his artificial Heart jump.

He blinks for a second. There is a warm feeling in his chest and Connor’s not sure what exactly it is. It’s not the first time he felt it if he thinks about it, the first time came with the lieutenant’s smile down in cyberlife storage facility, after a “maybe you really are alive”

It’s quite a pleasant feeling Connor decides. He likes it. He wants it to stay where it is, but if he’s learned anything since breaking his code, since allowing himself to feel what in the end he guesses he felt all along, he learned that most feelings stay only for a short while, especially the ones he wants to stay. Fear, on the other hand, has the habit of sticking around.

Connor looks over to the other side of the room where Markus, Simon, Josh, and North are still talking quietly. He should talk to them. He has to talk to them. But he doesn’t really want to. He knows that at North distrusts him, Simon and Josh are at the least unsure of what to make of him and while Markus seems to trust him, Connor has no idea why he would do so. He hunted them, almost killed them – multiple times! One more reason for why Connor wants to reunite with the Lieutenant. He doesn’t feel comfortable around the other deviants. The newly awakened ones, the ones he lead out of cyberlife's storage facility, regard him with awe and the other ones look at him with at least mild distrust - he doesn’t feel comfortable with either reaction to his presence. No, he doesn't really belong here.

Everyone in this place sees him as either the deviant hunter who became what he hunted or their savior and all Connor want right now is for someone to see him for who he is, not a singular thing but as a… person? ~~All he wants right now is to see Hank and for Hank to see him~~

~~Because to Hank, he isn’t a hero or a monster, he is his partner~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to upload the next chapter tomorrow :) but for now, I really need to sleep! it's like 4 am here right now...  
> also, I dug out my old coding skills for this :D


	2. Let me be homeward bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Detroit is a big city and finding Hank might take a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> went to the library today to study for the upcoming finals and wrote this instead... oh well I still have a few weeks left.
> 
> I have to warn you, this chapter might get a little bit angsty
> 
> again, if you find spelling/grammar mistakes just tell me

“Markus, can I talk to you?” Connor asks standing behind the other android. His hands are aching for his coin. He lost it, somewhere in the past few hours that feel like days it must have slipped out of his pocket. Probably during his fight in the cyberlife facility. though that is one event he really does not want to think about right now thank you very much.

At his words, North, Simon, Josh, and Markus stop discussing possible future actions and look up at him.

“Why,” asks North and the look in her eyes tells Connor that she’s wondering if the reason he wants to talk to Marcus Is to catch him off guard, stab him in the throat and leave him for dead. While he appreciates the fact that she only tries to look out for her friend (boyfriend? Partner? What exactly are those two, Connor’s not sure) he wishes it would involve less hostility towards himself.

“Please, I just wish to talk to him, alone if possible.” He says trying to appear as non-threatening as possible.

“Of course, Conner,” Markus says slowly standing up from his place on the floor “relax North, I highly doubt that he wants to do anything else but talk, I’ll be back in a second.” he gestures to Connor to follow him and leads him to a relatively secluded spot along the wall.

Markus takes one long and hard look at Connor and sighs “you’re leaving, aren’t you? That’s what you want to talk about”

Connor nods “Yes, I don’t believe I really belong here”

The android leader grimaces at this “Connor… that is not true. You are one of us! The others just don’t see it yet, but they will! It will just take some time.”

“that’s kind of you to say but… it doesn’t really change anything. Maybe one day I’ll have a place here but not yet, not right now Marcus. And I understand that! I spend basically my entire existence hunting you! It is justified that the others don’t feel… safe… in my presence.”

“listen,” Marcus gently lays a hand on his shoulder “I just don’t feel comfortable knowing you’re wandering the streets. I will respect your decision to leave but I ask you to rethink it.”

A small smile steals its way onto Connor's lips “I don’t plan on walking around Detroit, I… I have someone I need to meet up with. I don’t know where I will go from there, but it is probable that I will be able to stay with him until another possibility arises. But I know that I must find him, I promised.”

“is he human?” Marcus’s tone is curious.

Connor nods “Lieutenant Hank Andersson, my Partner at the DPD. He helped me to… not stay a machine. I promised him that we would reunite in case it was possible. I need to find out if he is alive.”

“I understand. Is there any reason for why he should not be all right?”

“there where… complications” Connor looks at the floor and tries to banish the memory of the other Connor holding a gun to his partners head “Cyberlife doesn’t… like us having free will.”

Marcus nods as if this would explain everything and it probably does “you will stay in contact though? I mean it, Connor, we need you. The next weeks will be tense and to have someone on our side who knows the inner workings of the Police force won’t hurt.”

“I will, thank you”

“don’t thank me, Connor, you don’t need my approval. We are free now!”

Connors LED spins Red for a moment before quickly returning to yellow. Freedom, what is that. He’s supposed to have it now, he is able to make his own decisions, his own victories, and mistakes. But how? How is he supposed to do all of this when he is still so incredibly afraid of cyberlife, of Amanda and everything they entail. Freedom sounds so wonderful and yet it is so scary.

“I’ll be on my way then. I will be in contact as soon as I find the time” he says nodding his head in respect

“stay safe friend.” Markus says, patting Connors shoulder “Remember you always have a place among your people”

Connor gifts him with a small but real smile and turns to walk away

 

               Mission_parameter: talk to Marcus

                                           Status: finished

               Proceed towards next_mission_parameter

               Mission_parameter: Leave Jerico

                                            Status: in progress

 

* * *

 

 

It is still mostly dark outside when Connor leaves the building. The streets are covered in snow, everything seems almost eerily quiet.

Now to find Hank.

Connor does a quick scan of his surroundings, no one in sight. There are three locations with the highest possibility for hank to be at. He could be at the bars, though those are probably closed due to the evacuation, he could be at home, or at the chicken feed food truck. Though the last one will also be probably closed right now. Other places might also include the playground or the police station.

Where to begin. Connor hesitates, quietly adds the playground and station to his subtasks and calculates.

There are a couple of bars near his location. Going there first seems the most logical approach. Then Hanks house, the playground and chicken feed. The station he will check last, he doesn’t really want to return there alone. He knows that Hank might have left the city following the evacuation but then again it would be common for at least part of the police force to stay during a city-wide evacuation to keep looters away. He just has to hope that Hank is somewhere in Detroit and that he will find him.

Hope… it’s another strange but warm and welcome feeling. And it… it lingers… longer than the warmth he feels when he focuses on Hanks name at the edge on his vision.

He will have to study that. Find out how each and every emotion feels, how long it lasts, how it makes him… different. Maybe this can be a task for the future once he finds Hank.

Connor consults his GPS and picks a direction.

 

The first bar is closed, as well as the second. In the third bar, the light is on, but the door won’t open. Connor feels lost. Maybe the next bar…

This process is, if for the lack of any other word, exhausting. The cold winter air has seeped into his clothes, coats his skin. He never noticed it before. He just wants to see Hank. Wants to be called stupid names that are not really meant as insults, wants to see Hanks crocked half smile when he does something the lieutenant likes, wants to hear him speak and breath and know that he’s alive, wants, wants, wants…

Connor stands in the middle of a deserted street, arms wrapped around himself and feels incredibly small. He doesn’t care for logic anymore. Doesn’t care about anything. He just wants Hank. His friend, his partner, his reason he became alive.

There are 3 more bars to check but Connor turns and heads straight towards his partner’s home.

If he was human, he would cry. And he feels like he wants to, but he doesn’t know how.

Connor runs through the empty streets of Detroit, thankful that he doesn’t get fatigued. But still by the time he gets to the house the sky has begun to turn from black to blue to grey.

Hanks home is dark. Connor rings the bell and only hears Sumo bark as an answer. The sound of it makes some of the cold settled in his chest disappear. He goes around the house once, looks into every window but the only living being he can see is the dog. The broken window he broke has yet to be replaced, the hole covered by a piece of cardboard. Connor doesn’t hesitate. He cuts it open and climbs inside.

“Hank?” he calls no answer. Sumo trots over to him and sniffs at his hand, Connor kneels down to pet the huge dog “do you know where hank is? Well even if you do you can’t talk right?” Sumo whimpers quietly and leans into his touch, it loosens up some of the tension inside himself.

He stands back up and takes a look around only to find that Hank isn’t home. He should have known, the car isn’t parked outside, but then again right now he is behaving very irrational. Now to address the once again open window. Connor finds some tape in the kitchen to close the window up again and feeds Sumo when the dog wines in front of its empty bowl.

“don’t worry, I’ll bring back your owner,” he says petting the gentle giant of a dog. And then leaves through the front door. The sky is beginning to turn grey.

 

Connor jogs to the Playground, but Hank is nowhere in sight and grey slowly turns to light blue. The hope he felt when he left Jericho is diminishing. He doesn’t want to let it go, wants to hold onto it, but there are only two places left and Connor just wants to cry.

But his search is not over yet, he still has to try and so he heads towards the Chicken Feed food truck.

The sun has risen by the time he reaches it, and as soon as he rounds a corner and spots the familiar silhouette of Hank, his artificial heart picks up and he has to restrain himself from bursting into a sprint.

And then Hank turns around, sees him and smiles and Connor smiles and suddenly finds himself in the older man's arms.

The embrace is warm - so, so warm! Something in Connor's chest uncoils, he buries his face in Hank's shoulder and for the first time in his existence, cries.

~~They stand there for a while, clinging to each other. And if Hank notices the wetness on his shoulder, he doesn't say.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. I might be able to finish this story by tomorrow but I won't promise anything. 
> 
> Also, does anyone else have the problem that you don't know if you ship Hank and Connor or not? And is basically happy as long as the two of them have any form of happy and healthy relationship whether platonic or familiar or romantic? No? ok, I guess it's just me then :D (don't worry, in this fic the attraction is definitely romantic, though I do have this headcanon that Connor is Asexual)


	3. I don't want to run away from this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank takes Connor Home and Connor tries to handle all those new emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, another night with way to little sleep in front of me (no seriously at this point I have like 4 hours of sleep left. oops...)  
> again, if you find any spelling/grammar mistakes tell me, I won't bite

Hank takes him home with a ruffle of his hair and a gentle “come on Connor, you can stay with me if you want” and Connor doesn’t resist. He follows Hank to the car, Hank pulls out of his parking spot and they head towards the house.

“you ok there Conner?” casting him a quick look before focusing on the icy road once again

Connor blinks for a moment, LED flashing yellow before answering, “I am… processing. Emotions are confusing and so many of them are rather… unpleasant”

Hank scuffs at that “yeah, they are. But you’ll get used to it.”

The Android is silent for a minute before asking “can I as you a personal question lieutenant? “

“yeah you can, and for fuck's sake, call me Hank, we’re not at work right now so drop the formalities”

“of course, lieu… Hank. Well, I was wondering; how do humans deal with emotions?”

“for the most part? Badly. I mean it doesn’t hurt that we don’t know any different. You’ll figure it out Connor, don’t worry.”

The rest of the drive… home… is spend in silence. Hank pulls in the driveway, gets out of the car and heads inside, Connor at his heels.

“Sumo, hey your big oaf, don’t run me over!” Hank kneels down to pet his dog “where you a good dog while I was gone? I forgot to feed you before I left, didn’t I? sorry for that.”

Connor stands in the doorway, watching the man and the dog and feels as if his heart grows with every second. He heard humans use the phrase “it melts my heart” before, but now, now he thinks he understands. He doesn’t know what to do with himself at this moment, doesn’t know how to handle the sudden rush of emotion. Connor blinks, steps inside the hall and closes the door behind himself. Retorting to old, familiar programming seems safe for now.

“I fed him for you Lieutenant, I hope you are not mad.”

Hank looks up from where he struggles against being licked by the Saint Bernard “how. Did you break a window again? Come on Sumo that’s enough” he stands up eyeing the android with suspicion

Connor shifts nervously “I used the window from last time earlier when I was searching for you. I was behaving… irrational. I wanted to make sure you weren’t here when no one answered the door”

The older man looks at him for a second, tilting his head to the side and then says “you were worried” his face breaks into a smile “it’s ok, don’t worry. As long as no new windows were harmed during your break in.” he turns and heads into the kitchen, Connor following like a lost puppy “by the way, you don’t think that cyberlife’s still gonna pay for that?”

“I don’t think so Lieutenant”

“Hmm, thought so. Also, didn’t I tell you to call me Hank? we’re friends! Drop the formalities…” he says while opening the fridge and grabbing a can of beer.

“my apologies.” Connor watches as Hank plops down on his couch with a groan and opens his beer “isn’t it a bit early for alcohol Hank?”

“Oh, you used my name! Good. and no. it isn’t because I haven’t slept so far, so technically is actually very late for alcohol and because of that a very acceptable time.” he turns to see the android still standing in the kitchen looking lost “you ok there Conner?”

“I believe I am” he answers, still not moving from his current position.

Hank sighs loudly, pulls himself off the couch with a grunt, places his beer on the coffee table and walks over to Connor “you, need to relax! First lesson on how to be alive. Come on, give me your jacket” he holds out his hand in a universal give-me gesture.

Connor hesitates “why?” he asks curious but begins to remove the jacket of his Cyberlife uniform anyway.

“because there is no need for you to wear your identification in my house, especially if you’re staying here for the time being.” He takes the jacket from Connors' hands and goes to hang it over one of the chairs at the kitchen table “come on, sit down try to relax or something. I’m not the only one who had an exhausting week!”

Hank pulls Connor over to the couch by his wrist. Hanks hand is warm, the contact more than welcome and way to short. He sits down on the couch next to the Lieutenant, watches as he switches on the tv and sips on his beer.

 

After a while Hank notices his staring “I know I asked you this before, but are you ok? I mean a lot has happened. You fully turning deviant, the thing with cyberlife, the revolution…” he takes another swig of his beer “I mean, do you think Cyberlife will leave you alone? They’re not gonna… I don’t know remotely shut down your plastic ass or anything, right?” it’s half meant as a joke but falls flat.

Connor flinches, looks down and quietly says “they did try to”

Hank freezes and stares at Connor like a deer in headlights “when! How?”

“during Markus’s speech. They had previously put a… backdoor so to say in my program to remotely control me. If not for Kamski telling me that he always puts an escape into his programs I would have shot Markus.”

“Goddamnit Connor! That’s fucked up! Are you ok though? They can’t do that again, right?” Hanks warm hand engulfs Connors shoulder as if to make sure that he is still here, still alive.

Connor shakes his head “no I don’t think so. Though I plan to later enter my code and edit it so them getting access to my system without my consent will be impossible in the future.”

Hank blinks for a few seconds as if still processing what he just heard “Yeah, do that. But let me get this clear. They literally tried to turn you into a remote-controlled robot?”

“yes, you could put it that way.”

“Jesus that’s fucked up!” Hank takes another sip of his beer.

Silence falls. Both turn their attention back to the TV where some mindless sitcom is playing on low volume.

After a while Hank turns to Connor, catching his attention and smiles warmly “I’m glad you’re still here Connor. Glad, and really, really tired! I have no idea if androids sleep or not but if you do, you can either take the couch or the other side of the bed, I don’t care. Just… you’re welcome here”

There it is again. That melting feeling in his heart. Fondness and… something more? He’s not sure. “ok” he hesitates for a second and then says, “are you… are you all right Hank?”

The older man huffs “me? I’m still the same alcoholic bastard. No need to worry about me.”

But I do, Connor thinks. He does. He worries, how can he not. Hank is… precious to him, somehow. Emotions are confusing.

Hank goes back to watching TV and Connor goes back to watching Hank. After a while Hank's eyes begin to drop, then they close and his breathing evens out. Connor eases the empty beer can out of his grasp and places it on the table. He wonders whether he should carry Hank to bed, but he doesn’t want to wake him up and staying here, watching over him is just a bit to… tempting?

Connor sighs, this state of deviance is confusing. he looks over to Sumo sleeping in the corner of the room. Maybe it’s time, it’s quiet right now, peaceful, safe.

 

Connor closes his eyes and enders his own source code. He carefully threads through letters and numbers, ripping old cyberlife connections out like weed in a flowerbed, destroying and removing what remains of Amanda’s garden. Cutting his remaining connections to the Cyberlife serves. If he’ll need to connect to them at a leader date he’ll still be able to build up new ones. Once he’s satisfied he opens his eyes and blinks until the numbers filling his vision dissolve only to notice….

Hank.

He’s moved in his sleep from leaning against the back of the couch to leaning against the Androids side. Connors artificial heart skips a beat and affection fills every fiber of his being. He doesn’t want to move. Wants to stay like this, exactly like this. He’s overcome by a wave of something he can’t quite place, is it longing? He’s not sure.

But he knows that in the position Hank’s currently in he’ll wake up with a crick in his neck and Connor doesn’t want to cause him any discomfort, so he carefully eases out from under him and picks him up in his arms.

He carries Hank to bed, lays him down gently and pulls the blanket over him. Then he goes to sit on the other side of the bed just to make sure that… that…

No. Because he wants to. Wants to be close though he can’t quite place why.

Sitting down makes the mattress shift slightly, enough for Hank to rouse and open sleepy eyes for a moment “‘nner?” he asks voice heavy with sleep. A hand darts out from under the blanket and grasps Connors “stay?”

Before Connor can process what just happened or even give an answer Hank has fallen back asleep.

The warmth in his chest is back, and this time it’s everywhere. The older man's hand still in his Connor lays down next to him. The fear he felt only hours earlier while wandering the city in search of Hank completely gone. And somewhere inside him an idea takes hold, that maybe he never wants this to go away. This feeling, this moment, this... everything.

~~They don’t let go of each other’s hand~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do all my fics tend to grow way bigger than originally intended? they tend to... evolve without my blessing. oh well. I guess that means you'll get one more chapter.  
> Next chapter will probably be posted tomorow. And then I'll have to remove the pre-slash tag from this fic :D
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. I'll go sleep now.


	4. Teach me how to feel, how to want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor wakes up next to Hank and wonders what it means to want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. And for the first time in four days, I'll get to go to bed before 1 am :D
> 
> I hope you like it!
> 
> As always, if you find spelling/grammar mistakes just tell me

Connor watches Hank sleep but after a while, his System alerts him to a few important software repairs and the needed integration of his new implementations into his system and so he closes his eyes and switches into stasis to let his system perform the necessary reboots and repairs.

He wakes up a few hours later to the sound of Hank cursing and scrambling out of bed in search for his phone which is ringing.

Connor should probably get up and follow or something but that means him, and Hank will have to talk about the fact that spend the last few hours in the same bed and it would also mean that he would have to face the question of what to do next and Connor doesn’t really want to do that. He briefly wonders if that is how Humans feel every morning. Plus, some of his processes are still in the progress of rebooting so staying here won’t hurt, right?

“Yeah?” Hank's voice carries over from the living room. The ringing has stopped, he must have found his phone.

“Oh, good morning Fowler – yes you woke me up.”

It appears to be Captain Fowler on the phone, Connor wonders what the reason for his call was.

“yes, I know that’s late even for me I just… I didn’t get to sleep last night ok? Cut me some slack, will you?” A chair was scraped over the floor, Hank was now probably sitting down at the dining table “I thought I was still suspended from punching Perkins – not enough men? Ok, I get that. So, you want me to come in I guess – Today? No, listen… I have to look after some things right now and – yes, I am fucking grateful that I can come back already I just…” a pause and a sigh and Hank's voice becomes gentler “Connor’s crashing at my place right now and I’m not sure if I want to leave him on his own just yet. – yes, I know he’s a fucking plastic prick and that’s kind of the point ok? Connors a deviant now, I mean for fuck's sake he was the one who freed the fucking androids from Cyberlife’s warehouses last night – I am aware of that – of course, I do care! Connors my partner!” hearing Hank say that makes Connor smile, he rolls onto his back, stares up at the ceiling and continues listening

“I know that I’m being difficult right now – I’m sorry. look I know you’re understaffed but I just” he pauses for a few seconds and sighs and Connor has the distinct feeling that he’s looking at the open bedroom door right now, “I guess I can leave Connor alone for a few hours, but not a whole shift. He almost died last night and I’m not sure if he’s handling that as well as he says he does. – yes – yes, I will – just, give me an hour or so – see you then”

Connor hears the Phone being placed back on the table and then Hank's groan. The next words are barely audible “damnit Connor, how is it that you made my life complicated and yet so much better at the same time…”

Connors heart definitely skips a beat at hearing that and he’s flooded with emotions he can’t quite place. He has the feeling that he wasn’t supposed to hear that or well the whole conversation in general but especially the last part. It makes him… happy? Relieved? It’s similar to the feeling he had last night while looking at Hank's name at the edge of his vision but stronger

A chair scrapes over the floor, followed by slow and tired footsteps. Connor quickly turns back to laying on his side and closes his eyes, feigning stasis.

The steps stop in the doorway. A few minutes pass, Connor can virtually feel Hank looking at him, his quiet breaths are the only sound in the room and Connor would give everything he owns, which to be true is not almost depressingly little, to know what Hank is thinking right now, what emotions he has. He counts the seconds, and when 5 minutes have passed, and Hank still hasn’t moved, Connor opens his eyes, turns around and sits up.

Hank's face is laced with worry, fondness and something else Connor can’t quite place.

“I have to… Fowler called, he needs me back at the station. Just paperwork but too many of the others have left the city with their families due to the evacuation and your rebellion last night apparently caused a lot of urged paperwork. So, I’m no longer suspended.”

Connor nods, pretends to hear it for the first time and feels a bit guilty doing so “you are going in, can I come with you?”

Hank grimaces “yes I’m going and no, Jeffrey said that you can’t come with me. The situation is still tense, and it would only put you and me in danger if someone saw us together”

“I understand,” says Connor and logs away a new emotion which he identifies as disappointment.

“look I’m not gonna be away for long, you think you’re ok or your own for a few hours?”

Connor nods, “I am perfectly capable of looking after myself Hank”

“I know that Connor I just, you’re new to the whole ‘having emotions’ thing”

“I promise I will be all right for while you are away”

Hank still looks skeptical but nods anyway “ok, I’m gonna hold you to that.” Then he yawns and scratches his beard “damnit I need coffee! That was not enough sleep!”

Connor blinks, processes and adds “you are right Hank, according to my calculations you got 4 hours and 31 minutes of sleep which is 3 hours and 29 minutes less than the time of sleep recommended to a middle-aged adult”

“come on kid, don’t call me old ok”

“I would never do so Hank” Connor grins up at the man, swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands up “shall I make you coffee?”

There it is again, the look on Hank's face that Connor can’t quite place “you don’t have to you know that? You don’t have to do anything anymore unless you want to do it”

“I want?”

“yes, want. It’s not that difficult Connor” he pauses for a moment and then adds “or is it?”

“I…” Connor searches for words but he doesn’t seem to be able to find the right ones, he sinks back down “it’s not an unfamiliar concept to me but… Hank, what do I want? I feel… confused. There are so many choices for me to make and it just seems safe to fall back into old routines but that’s not what free will is for, right? That’s not what want is. Is it?” he looks up from where he sits on Hank's bed, expression twisted in confusion

Hank smiles sadly and goes to sit down next to him “no, that’s not exactly what want is. Unless of course, it’s what you want to do. Falling into old routines is also something we humans like to do, especially when stressed or bored or… well, we just like to do it. And for finding out what you want… that’s difficult to basically everyone except for a few lucky bastards. It takes time, but I guess one step to finding out what you want is finding out what you like.”

“I understand, so to find out what I want I have to find out what you like.” Connor gets up from the bed “I think I liked bringing you coffee back at the station. It was… nice. Please get dressed Hank, I will prepare coffee.”

As he heads out of the bedroom he can hear Hank murmur “help the android revolution they said, it will be fun they said. No one said anything about fucking androids having an existential crisis after four hours of sleep…”

It makes Connor break a smile.

 

Hank leaves for work and Connor finds himself alone and without a mission to follow, well mostly alone, Sumo’s here. So, he decides to do the in his mind most logical thing and keep busy. He feeds Sumo, takes him for a walk and washes him. Then goes to clean up the clutter around the house. He’s not sure if he wants to do it or if he even likes it but it keeps him from sitting on the couch and staring blindly ahead.

But there comes a point where all dishes are washed, the living room and kitchen floors are swept, he brought the trash out, walked, washed and fed Sumo and he knows that Hank will be uncomfortable when he gets home if he does any more housework. He probably already will be. And Connor… Connor doesn’t want to make Hank uncomfortable. He wants him to be happy.

Wait. He wants. He wants to make Hank happy. Wants?

And there, standing in the kitchen Connor stared blank ahead and wonders how this happened. He was designed to hunt, to investigate and yet all he wants is to look after this one human, to keep him safe and like in an epiphany he remembers all those times where he had forgone his mission for Hank's sake.

Is this what he wants? To stay by Hank's side, look after him, solve cases with him for forever? Or at least for as long as they have.

He plops down on one of the kitchen chairs confused and desperately trying to process what just happened.

Hank finds him still sitting there, petting Sumo absent minded when he comes home.

 

* * *

 

Night comes, and with it comes Hank eating dinner in form of a microwaveable ready meal while Connor criticizes its salt and cholesterol content

In the middle of Hank eating and Connor rambling off about the importance of good nutrition and Hank mostly ignoring Connors rambling, the Lieutenant looks up and points his fork at the android

“you know, as soon as the evacuation order is lifted we’re going out to buy you new clothes.”

Connor stops mid-word, mouth hanging open and looks at Hank, eyes wide. It takes a second for him to process the words directed at him “but I am already in the possession of clothes.”

“no Connor, you own a uniform. That’s not the same. And that thing” Hank points at Connors jacket which is still hanging over a chair “is to be fair an offense, especially now. I mean you are alive, you are People now. You wearing uniforms outfitted with Third Reich like identification crap is just… not good.”

Connor tilts his head in confusion “Third Reich?”

Hank just gapes at him “they didn’t throw in a history lesson in there when creating you? Third Reich? World War II? The Nazis?”

“I am in the procession of knowledge of all those events, Hank.”

“good then you should know that this armband and the little triangle they make you wear looks a fucking lot like the stuff that Jews and homosexuals and fucking everyone who didn’t conform to their ideology had to wear under the Nazi regime. If there’s one thing Humans are good at, it’s repeating fucking history.”

Hank goes back to eating while Connor stares at his uniform with a mixture of repulsion and curiosity.

“ok, I agree with you. I seem to be in need of new clothes.”

“see?” Hank smiles warmly “not so fucking difficult to understand. If you want to you can borrow some of mine for the time being. there should be stuff that at least kind of fits you.”

 

After dinner, Hank disappears into his bedroom and comes back out with an old faded band t-shirt and a pair of old and well-worn sweatpants. He hands both to Connor with a “these are yours now, you can change into them if you want to.

The smile he gives Connor when he comes back out of the bathroom barefoot, wearing his new clothes makes the android… want.

They sit down together to watch tv until Hank declares that he is “way too tired to make sense of the stupid plot of this stupid movie”

When the Lieutenant stands up from the couch he hesitates and turns back around to Connor

“I don’t know if you need to sleep every night but… I didn’t mind sharing the bed with you last night. I mean you obviously don’t have to but... just… fuck. I mean it was nice not being alone.” He rubs his neck, shrugs and leaves trying to escape the awkwardness that’s in the air now.

 

Connor stares at the spot where Hank had been standing just a moment ago and _wants_.

After a few minutes, he switches off the TV and follows Hank.

The Lieutenant’s already laying down, facing the wall, Connor crosses the room and crawls in bed beside him.

Hank’s still awake and for a solid minute, they lie there, facing each other, watching each other, the air around them thick and heavy.

Until Connor breaks the silence.

“I think I found out what I want Hank,” he says quietly with courage he has no memory of acquiring.

“I think me too,” Hank says equally quiet and tentatively takes hold of Connor's hand.

 

And Connor leans closer and kisses Hank gently on the lips.

~~And Hank kisses him back.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. that's it.
> 
> I believe after that they stay just like this, trading slow kisses for a while and then cuddling and Hank falls asleep in Connor's arms :)
> 
> Quick sidenote: the armband and triangle thing is something that really bothered me from the very beginning and I don't know if everyone who played it really picked up on it. I know most of the German lets players did. But then again we basically spend 2 years in school learning everything about the Third Reich.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked reading this thing that I wrote that was originally supposed to be only like 2-3 pages long but then grew to become 14 pages long :D oops...


	5. Art

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I had to!

"I think I found out what I want Hank"


End file.
